How To Trust?

As much as I love you, how can I trust you?
As much as I desire you, how can I trust you?
As much as I long for you, how can I trust you?
As much as I want to be with you, how can I trust you?

I see you, but do you see your actions
I wish you see the actions I see
I wish I see what you see

So much pain from actions and sight
So much denial from actions and sight
So much pain from lack of clarity

What is it?
Help me understand
Is it multiple personalities

Do you know what you are doing?
Is ego a personality disorder?
How does the two differ?

Ego takes hold and controls your every action
When ego is leading, where does your loved ones stand?
How do I contend with ego?

I guess this was fate
We were doomed
Ego, lies, fetishes, chicks with dicks
What is this all about?

When you are in love with someone that loves these
What do you do?
Do you desire me?
How do I hold you?

How to trust you?

Where the Fault Lies

I am angry with you for not fighting for me, fighting for us

I am angry with you for saying that I have drama, but not being able to describe what my drama is

I am angry with you for taking my new life with you and the babies away for me

I am angry with you for not acknowledging your fault in our demise

I am angry with you for not putting our relationship ahead of your desire to be right

I am angry with you for not putting us in front of your ego

I am angry with you for asking me to forgive you, but your unwillingness to forgive me

I am angry with you for all the times I forgave you, and you continued to make me wrong

I am angry with you for your fear

I am angry with you because I still love you

I am angry with you because I cannot stop loving you

I am angry with you for reaching out to me but only because you had noone else

I am angry with you for treating me second fiddle

I am angry with you for being able to say your sorry

Iam angry with you for picking someone else

I am angry with you for not picking me

I am angry with you for telling me you care about me

I am angry with you for not showing me you love and care for me

I am angry with you for lying to me

I am angry with you for not being with your best friend

I am angry with you for not marrying me, your best friend

I am angry with you for wanting to have more than one

I am angry with you for wanting to compare me to another

I am angry with you for taking another lover

I am angry with you for no longer being in love with me

I am angry with you for not planning to marry me

I am angry with you for not mournig our baby with me

I am angry that we do not have a 6 month old baby together

I am angry that some things don’t affect you

I am angry with you

When the End is Near!

How do we know when the end is near?
Is it when our heart is full of fear?
And why is there so much fear?
Because our heart we don’t want to tear?

Is it a fear of not succeeding?
When I think of that my heart start bleeding.
That happens because you think you failed,
But why does it have to be you to have that title held.

Did you give your all?
Then don’t look at it as a fall.
Were you honest and true?
And if so then those feelings are not about you!

I did my best
I’m sure better than the rest
This wasn’t a test
We just didn’t mesh.

But the sooner we see that and let go
Out internal strength will surely grow

And move on and become better and stronger than before
Once we love ourselves truly then love will adorn

Love will find you; you don’t have to look for it,
Your heart will know it’ll be a sure fit
So relax and let go
Leave your heart open so it can grow.

Be true to you!!!! Be true to LOVE!!!

Scott

Who is “Scott”?

Scott was strength?

What determines ones strength? Is it perseverance, Determination?

Could it be the lack of indignation?

Some of us possess that trait,

No signs within him that displays hate.

Scott was an inspiration; Scott was so full of jubilation?

For me he was definitely adoration.

If you knew Scott, even if you’d just met him, didn’t matter, it was open season,

He would crack jokes on you for no reason.

Scott definitely possessed a gift that is indescribable,

But not in a way that’s suicidal.

I often reflect back to when he and I first met,

We’d have wrestling matches, guess who would win; care to make a bet?

Then we’d have what’s called joaning matches between he and I,

I was good, but that was short lived; I wonder why?

He rose to every challenge in life,

Determined to marry the woman he loved and make her his wife.

So tell me about STRENGTH, PERSEVERANCE, and DETERMINATION;

This man had it all, and when she accepted he was so full of elation.

I’ve come to understand that Scott has served his purpose in this lifetime,

That GOD has set aside something new for him; a different climb.

Scott I miss you, Scott I miss your humor, your DJ skills and especially the wrestling matches;

Maybe the next go round, next lifetime. I won’t have anyone call for emergency dispatches.

I love you Scott!!!!

Tawanda

You are/were truly STRENGTH

Comments Off on Scott Posted in Loss, Pain

Missing You

Your touch I miss the most of all
gentle, calming nerves enthrall
now when I try to pull you near
whisper “I love you” in your ear
my arms draw air, empty embrace
as molten tears sear down my face
gentle words I speak to you
of joy in finding love so true
you cannot hear my longing plea
can’t find the voice to answer me
I watch you sobbing in your sleep
once more the tears begin to seep
I wish to comfort your despair
your tortured soul I would repair
but nothing that I try will halt
the sadness that your heart assaults
it breaks my heart to see you hurt
I wish to the past we could revert
where hand in hand we met the world
in joy and love our days unfurled
sadly those days have come to end
in time your broken heart will mend
so I sit helpless, wailful of your pain
convulsing in sorrow, crying in vain
I wish to hold you, comfort your fear
push back your hair, kiss dry the tear
but I can’t help you, stay your cry
who was to know that I would die