How To Trust?

As much as I love you, how can I trust you?
As much as I desire you, how can I trust you?
As much as I long for you, how can I trust you?
As much as I want to be with you, how can I trust you?

I see you, but do you see your actions
I wish you see the actions I see
I wish I see what you see

So much pain from actions and sight
So much denial from actions and sight
So much pain from lack of clarity

What is it?
Help me understand
Is it multiple personalities

Do you know what you are doing?
Is ego a personality disorder?
How does the two differ?

Ego takes hold and controls your every action
When ego is leading, where does your loved ones stand?
How do I contend with ego?

I guess this was fate
We were doomed
Ego, lies, fetishes, chicks with dicks
What is this all about?

When you are in love with someone that loves these
What do you do?
Do you desire me?
How do I hold you?

How to trust you?

Where the Fault Lies

I am angry with you for not fighting for me, fighting for us

I am angry with you for saying that I have drama, but not being able to describe what my drama is

I am angry with you for taking my new life with you and the babies away for me

I am angry with you for not acknowledging your fault in our demise

I am angry with you for not putting our relationship ahead of your desire to be right

I am angry with you for not putting us in front of your ego

I am angry with you for asking me to forgive you, but your unwillingness to forgive me

I am angry with you for all the times I forgave you, and you continued to make me wrong

I am angry with you for your fear

I am angry with you because I still love you

I am angry with you because I cannot stop loving you

I am angry with you for reaching out to me but only because you had noone else

I am angry with you for treating me second fiddle

I am angry with you for being able to say your sorry

Iam angry with you for picking someone else

I am angry with you for not picking me

I am angry with you for telling me you care about me

I am angry with you for not showing me you love and care for me

I am angry with you for lying to me

I am angry with you for not being with your best friend

I am angry with you for not marrying me, your best friend

I am angry with you for wanting to have more than one

I am angry with you for wanting to compare me to another

I am angry with you for taking another lover

I am angry with you for no longer being in love with me

I am angry with you for not planning to marry me

I am angry with you for not mournig our baby with me

I am angry that we do not have a 6 month old baby together

I am angry that some things don’t affect you

I am angry with you

When the End is Near!

How do we know when the end is near?
Is it when our heart is full of fear?
And why is there so much fear?
Because our heart we don’t want to tear?

Is it a fear of not succeeding?
When I think of that my heart start bleeding.
That happens because you think you failed,
But why does it have to be you to have that title held.

Did you give your all?
Then don’t look at it as a fall.
Were you honest and true?
And if so then those feelings are not about you!

I did my best
I’m sure better than the rest
This wasn’t a test
We just didn’t mesh.

But the sooner we see that and let go
Out internal strength will surely grow

And move on and become better and stronger than before
Once we love ourselves truly then love will adorn

Love will find you; you don’t have to look for it,
Your heart will know it’ll be a sure fit
So relax and let go
Leave your heart open so it can grow.

Be true to you!!!! Be true to LOVE!!!

Missing You

Your touch I miss the most of all
gentle, calming nerves enthrall
now when I try to pull you near
whisper “I love you” in your ear
my arms draw air, empty embrace
as molten tears sear down my face
gentle words I speak to you
of joy in finding love so true
you cannot hear my longing plea
can’t find the voice to answer me
I watch you sobbing in your sleep
once more the tears begin to seep
I wish to comfort your despair
your tortured soul I would repair
but nothing that I try will halt
the sadness that your heart assaults
it breaks my heart to see you hurt
I wish to the past we could revert
where hand in hand we met the world
in joy and love our days unfurled
sadly those days have come to end
in time your broken heart will mend
so I sit helpless, wailful of your pain
convulsing in sorrow, crying in vain
I wish to hold you, comfort your fear
push back your hair, kiss dry the tear
but I can’t help you, stay your cry
who was to know that I would die

Feelings

From my window, I stare at the clouds
trying to spot the various shapes I always find,
But all I see is your face
Your lovely picture on my mind.

Sometimes when I picture you,
In my arms being held close
is where I want you to be,
But this can never happen, as of now
you don’t feel this way yet for me

I’m ok with that; I’m patient because I know that
“Good things come to those who wait”,
Eventually we’ll be there and your heart I will elate.
It’s great to talk to you especially when I feeling so much lust,
But I know it won’t always be that way,
Neither can I tell you how I feel to much because I like it
and always want that feeling to stay.

Maybe turn into more than lust maybe even love
But that is definitely in the future
I’ll have so much to pour upon you and adorn
you with that it will be so comforting, relaxing,
and just plain wonderful,
You say where have you been all my life, I think we
make the perfect couple.

You will always be there for me
But now no more than a friend
And when I talk with you, changing of the
Subject when I bring up more of a relationship, is
What you tend.
I understand why that is. It’s better to take things slow
A day at a time
That way what develops is

When you were comforting me,
I remember, one sad night,
You touched me for the first time,
Touched my shoulders, really light.

When I found out that you liked me,
The heaven seemed to be on earth,
I waited for such a long time,
I was gifted with a day of mirth.

When you were kissing me,
Whom were you thinking about?
You were killing me inside,
But I didn’t bring the pain out.

And after walking with you so long,
Today, you throw our friendship away,
I feel so hurt and lonely,
But, you don’t feel this way