I am learning so much about naivety. The role I played with having fake nice guys in my life and allowing them to emotionally rape or take psychological advantage of me was so enlightening as I reflect. Narcissists portray themselves as nice guys and use niceness to take advantage of people and take what they want.
The narcissist that was in my life helped me with math, while I was in college. He would offer his services because it was an area that I was weak in. My personality type is that of a “Sapiosexual”. In light of that, there was an immediate attraction.
Couple that with our working for the same company and knowing each other. Supposedly becoming friends… Falling for the niceness along with what I thought he was “smartness” was destined to happen.
How much of his personality comes from past hurts? Perhaps elementary, or high school or maybe a disappointing relationship with a girl/woman. Those hurts causes them to adapt a certain persona and creates this unrealistic self image to get what he wants.
Toxic personalities and exploit your good nature; take from you whatever the draw is. They have never grown up, and do not want to be responsible for themselves. They come across as being really nice and they attach themselves to you.
They have passive-aggressive, less assertive personalities more like a woman in terms of how he gossips. They may even have lots of female friends. My “fake nice guy” fit this scenario. He is very passive-aggressive and quite manipulative oppose to being very direct. When I realized what was happening to me, my eyes and brain became extremely aware.
I would not have a conversation with him not being aware at all times. That allow me to keep the conversation focused and very intentional. He would attempt to lure me into going off the topic of the conversation, I would have to bring it back around and keep it focused topic by topic.
I began following my gut with him, and not allowing the niceness and how much I loved him completely control my thoughts. A book called “the gift of fear“. Follow your intuition, and it keeps you safe. Don’t fall for the nice guy. He could be a killer, waiting for the right moment in time!
Take the lesson and don’t allow those who play nice to take advantage of you to get what they want. Do not get caught up in your head. I was told that I was judgmental by an ex because I always followed my intuition. It protected me so much and I allowed his opinion to me to seep in my mind and therefore stayed there to a point where I started second guessing myself.
Follow your instinct!