I am watching the most beautiful movie that reminds me of a past love and the great time we had in his home town. The couple were standing in his favorite place at his home town and me with my great love in his hometown of Blacksburg, VA overlooking the city scape. The couple expressed their love for each other with a kiss. How romantic, and how trusting is he to share this with the woman he loved.
While I thought my guy and I had nothing in common, What I later realized is that he had characteristics that I didn’t have and I have characteristics that he does not have. Together we made a whole person philosophically speaking. This was so scary for the both of us. It exposed our vulnerabilities.
Vulnerabilities are really scary for people that are both headstrong and are use to being in control. However, EGO and behaviors that were challenging got in our way. But I knew how he felt and he loved me very much. I know that more than ever now as I reflect.
EGO/Pride is nothing when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s sad because it felt like a waste of time. Only because we are over. However, I was able to love freely with all my heart and not be guarded.
I am leaving town and he will not know how much I still love him. While I have moved on, I miss what we had and our future plans. Things just does not feel right because I am not waking up next to him everyday.
He had characteristics that did not work for me. But I still miss us, and the plans we made with each other. My life is great at the moment. I have some great men pursuing me. However, something in me is not ready to let go.
Love hurts like hell! Let go of your dignity, and compromise for the sake of each other. Being stubborn and fearful of vulnerability does not serve either of you well.
I heard that two perfect people in one relationship is a difficult one to be in. Love is everlasting when you both of vulnerable with each other, and fearless when it comes to the relationship.
I once asked you to write things to me expressing your feelings and how that was a challenge for you. But you did it anyway, while infrequent, you did it because you loved me. Then one weekend while visiting your son you sang to me at a karaoke bar, and sang one of my favorite songs. My, My, My by Johnny Gil! That was one of the most romantic things you had ever done for me. While I got upset with you for something really silly! Hindsight, the act of what you did was really romantic and unforgettable.
then, you later asked me to marry you in a weird sort of way. And we were planning this great life together where we would retire and grow old together.
Often, I had dreams of our wedding and what type of wedding dance we would perform. What it would have looked and like since you have some sort of rhythm, but of course not like me. I had something special in mind like the “Tango!” to bring in your trip to Spain into our wedding theme.
We were to marry where the movie Dirty Dancing was filmed. Very romantic! The honeymoon I had planned would have been spectacular! That’s right, I kept it interesting by introducing new things for us to try!!! Tasty, lustful, and downright nasty! Well it’s OK. He was to be my husband!
However, those are past memories that I will hold onto. I am focusing on the good things that I enjoyed and moving those bad memories out of my mind. Ultimately, I know that I will become close enough to someone again to love enough to marry. Just not now, I am not ready yet!
Who knows what tomorrow will bring! Be open and let love in!
Love Lost, but still memorable moments!