Memorable Moments

I am watching the most beautiful movie that reminds me of a past love and the great time we had in his home town. The couple were standing in his favorite place at his home town  and me with my great love in his hometown of Blacksburg, VA overlooking the city scape. The couple expressed their love for each other with a kiss. How romantic, and how trusting is he to share this with the woman he loved.

While I thought my guy and I had nothing in common, What I later realized is that he had characteristics that I didn’t have and I have characteristics that he does not have. Together we made a whole person philosophically speaking. This was so scary for the both of us. It exposed our vulnerabilities.

Vulnerabilities are really scary for people that are both headstrong and are use to being in control. However, EGO and behaviors that were challenging got in our way. But I knew how he felt and he loved me very much. I know that more than ever now as I reflect.

EGO/Pride is nothing when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s sad because it felt like a waste of time. Only because we are over. However, I was able to love freely with all my heart and not be guarded.

I am leaving town and he will not know how much I still love him. While I have moved on, I miss what we had and our future plans. Things just does not feel right because I am not waking up next to him everyday.

He had characteristics that did not work for me. But I still miss us, and the plans we made with each other. My life is great at the moment. I have some great men pursuing me. However, something in me is not ready to let go.

Love hurts like hell! Let go of your dignity, and compromise for the sake of each other. Being stubborn and fearful of vulnerability does not serve either of you well.

I heard that two perfect people in one relationship is a difficult one to be in. Love is everlasting when you both of vulnerable with each other, and fearless when it comes to the relationship.

I once asked you to write things to me expressing your feelings and how that was a challenge for you. But you did it anyway, while infrequent, you did it because you loved me. Then one weekend while visiting your son you sang to me at a karaoke bar, and sang one of my favorite songs. My, My, My by Johnny Gil! That was one of the most romantic things you had ever done for me. While I got upset with you for something really silly! Hindsight, the act of what you did was really romantic and unforgettable.

then, you later asked me to marry you in a weird sort of way. And we were planning this great life together where we would retire and grow old together.

Often, I had dreams of our wedding and what type of wedding dance we would perform. What it would have looked and like since you have some sort of rhythm, but of course not like me. I had something special in mind like the “Tango!” to bring in your trip to Spain into our wedding theme.

We were to marry where the movie Dirty Dancing was filmed. Very romantic! The honeymoon I had planned would have been spectacular! That’s right, I kept it interesting by introducing new things for us to try!!! Tasty, lustful, and downright nasty! Well it’s OK. He was to be my husband!

However, those are past memories that I will hold onto. I am focusing on the good things that I enjoyed and moving those bad memories out of my mind. Ultimately, I know that I will become close enough to someone again to love enough to marry. Just not now, I am not ready yet!

Who knows what tomorrow will bring! Be open and let love in!

Love Lost, but still memorable moments!

Timing and Opportunity!

Do you believe that life is about timing and opportunity? I had become reacquainted, fell in love and almost married someone and the timing just wasn’t right. He was in a bad relationship where his relationship with his wife had became strained. She filed for divorce and their marriage ended. However, my marriage was equally as bad and you can imagine where the story is headed. He attended therapy with his wife, and I with my husband. Neither of us wanted to divorce our spouses; him because of their children and he loved his wife, and I because I loved my husband but I discovered that the female gender was not my husband’s type.

I had suspected that my husband was either just a feminine man or he was bisexual. He denied both and for years our marriage was filled with my trying several methods to satisfy him sexually to no satisfaction. However, my friend and I started a relationship that was strictly sexual in nature to keep our relationships in tact, as neither of us wanted to be divorced. He loved his wife and there were children involved. and I did not want to be divorced.

It was great and very satisfying until our feelings were deeply involved. We were what each other needed, emotionally and physically. That can appear to be very selfish, but in all actuality neither parties involved in our relationships were invested. Who were we kidding? No one! Resulting in all parties involved getting divorced.

After the divorce, he mentioned that he wanted to take the relationship to an exclusive level. While I really liked the idea of that because I had become dependent upon him for so much and he I. It really was the next steps of progression in our friendship. It felt good! His babies are just amazing, and I love them so much; just as if they are my own. But was that the proper thing for us? We were friends and cared deeply for one another, that in actuality we should have waited until he cleared and worked through his divorced and healed and me as well. Because what we did was to head full steam ahead with both parties being damaged; him more than me and we crashed and burned, devastating both of our lives.

We really are good for each other, but he is a narcissist and it was so painful to be in a relationship with him. But part of me wondered if we could have made it if the timing had been different and if the healing had happened on both sides. I often thought back to a book that I read around Timing and Opportunity called Persuasion by Jane Austen. It’s about two people meeting and they ultimately separate because the timing wasn’t right and they come together again in the future. I am a hopeless romantic.

I write to heal and I do lots of reflecting. I have moved on with my life and have met some really great men! I enjoy them and I feel really light with them. No heavy stresses from their past creeping up. At the moment, I am getting to know three seemingly good men, and they are all really sweet, kind and actively pursuing me. I wonder, if it is because I am not really interested in them nor interested in dating them. The chase is intense. What I have realized though, if I do not start dating, I will not actually truly know that I have moved past him.

I know I can mention his name, and have people tell me that they have seen him out with women and it does not affect me. I have seen him with a woman that he dated and it did not bother me. Therefore, I feel like I have moved on. However, we have not spoken since the breakup and part of me wonder how I will feel having a conversation with him. Will I find him heavy, or will I see that he has healed? Or he has come to appreciate me? How will I feel after the conversation? That is something I often wonder about.

I think back about the great times of the relationship and what I miss most. I miss the good times that he and I shared alone, the times with the children and oh yea, the sex. When we had good times, they were really good. We were fully connected and the kids were so happy. They thrived and we were a happy family. During those times, the sex was good, I hadn’t given him my best yet. I knew how to make him cum on demand. I loved that!  I loved having that sexual power over him, it was quite enjoyable.

I love sex very much, but I love that I learned his body so well. I knew the right movements to get certain responses from him and how I could make him cum! He would always say to me; “Your pussy is so tight!” or “Oh my god!” He would bite his lips! Just thinking about it is making my pussy throb. I knew he liked that, and I always thought to myself that you haven’t seen anything yet. Just wait until I start milking you, you are going to loose your  mind. Then when I lift him with my pussy, he is going to go crazy!!!! But we never got to experience that we broke up.

Before our trip to Florida, I made some purchases to take our sex life to the next level and I know he would have been so amazed! We openly discussed our likes and dislikes and how to please one another. So for me, it was a matter of time before he got the full sexual explosion. I was really looking forward to it. Our sex life was good like I said; he had just gotten his new job! The kids were in a really good place! Life was good when his EGO – the narcissistic side of him showed up, and it did not happen. His alter EGO stepped in.

So I am sitting here wondering…. is it because our timing wasn’t right? Or just because the love isn’t there anymore or wasn’t there and he was using me to move past his divorce? Was I the rebound? I think I should talk with him so I am clear in myself and I don’t hurt the guys that I am seeing right now because my inability to fully decide what I want.

Life is about Timing and Opportunity! Don’t let it pass you by!

True Love

When you truly love someone, you don’t judge them by their past. You accept it and leave it there.

That really sounds very easy until you are faced with something from the person you love that is so outside your realm of thinking that you are unable to comprehend it.

Most recently I was faced with that and I could not handle it and I walked away. Did that mean I did not love him, or that I was afraid to love him instead in spite of his past?

Should I have compromised my beliefs for the dream that the two of us were planning to build together? I did not dare tell anyone because no one else would understand why I stayed.

Is that love?

I accepted the fact that he shared those things with me and he trusted me enough to open up so deeply. That is something that I realized and appreciated after i hit him below the belt and throwing those things back in his face. That is the point of no return, unrecoverable.

Should I have seek to understand the meaning behind his actions? Because it is said that every relationship in order to be successful require: compromise, as well as communication.

But does it apply in every situation?

It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex with someone. Use the words I love you without regard. People do it all the time and then walk away just because…. but to have someone trust you enough to open their hearts and share their soul with you, that includes; their fears, future plans. Their hopes and dreams, being completely naked with you in that regard.

That’s love! That’s trust!

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A relationship where you can act like lovers and best friends at the same time.

Is that possible?

In this case, I felt as if I crumbled his trust like it was a piece of paper. I can try to smooth things out, but that trust level will never be the same again.

So what do I do?

Do I stand up and fight for him and allow him to see that I am the woman he’s always saw me as? Or do I sit down so he can go in search of what I wasn’t?

Sometimes life is about taking risks… risking it all for the one you love. But know that it two comes with consequences and I have to be ready for them.

The best thing in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, the mistakes that you’ve make and what your weaknesses are without exploit and still think their man is completely amazing and he you.

He often said to me that while he doesn’t have a lot, what he does have is time. He can give me that unconditionally. I did not get it at that time, but I understand what that means now. That is a priceless gift, and I realize how priceless.

Dominate Me! I Just Discovered I Like It!

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This image was so beautiful and safe that I had to pull it from one of my followers blog and write about it!

Now in all actuality, it could be interpreted multiple ways, but because I am exploring domination, I totally love it.

My pleasure senses just kicked into high gear.
As the man I love and desire is getting near.
The sunlight is starting to set.
Till dawn and the moon begins to crest.
I can’t help but feel aroused.
Pleasure is about to be shroud.

We are get ready to play, and lay, and explore until our body quivers.
Quivers uncontrollably, until we start to go insane.
Am I afraid?
I am afraid!
He’s not afraid.

This is new for me.
This is new for him.
Giving up control you see.
Him giving up control to me.
You now control me and I obey.
I now control you and you obey.
Well, at least for today.

I am in the heat of desire as you tell me to undress!
You pull out a latex catsuit, pumps, and lay out handcuff, whips.
There is a swing hanging from the ceiling and a chair with stirups in the corner!
I smile, you smile, and we smile together for what awaits us.

You are a sensual lover who liked to take your time.
It is truly about the pleasure of the both of us.
I please you and you please me.

Exploration of each other in our nakedness.
That is just fabulous as I explore your strongness of your cock.
It feels so strong, hard, and firmly erect.
I can’t wait any longer, and I take you in and suck, lick and stroke
you with my lips and down my throat.

You are shaking with pleasure and you loose control.
The urge to take me and fuck me hard is so intense in you.
Language is foreign and not available at the moment.

You lay me back and part my legs and express your love for me with your tongue.
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Baby, Baby, don’t stop baby! Yes, suck my pussy, lick my clit!
Up down that clit, round and round that clit! Tongue in and out my pussy! Work it baby!
Oh, go baby! Don’t stop baby!

Wait! I say to him…. I want to dress for you.
I slip into my latex for him and demand he lay down!
I then control him.

He likes it.
Now his turn.

He tells me to come to him!
I obey.
He pushes me to my knees!
I obey.
He sticks his cock in my mouth!
I obey.

I suck and lick until he is ready to explode.
He pulls away.
Picks me up and puts me in the swing.

He gets on his knees.
He pleases me.
He sticks his cock in my pussy and fucks me.

I plead with him to fuck me more!
I ask him to fuck me harder!
He complies.

I ask him to send me to bliss please sir?
He says no! I have to wait until he’s ready!
My vibrator comes out and he places it on my clit.

I scream in pleasure and ask sir, do I have permission to cum please?
He said no!
I have to wait…

Pleasure is buring inside.

I said oh my gosh, I need to cum!
Please let me now!

He takes me and starts fucking me hard.
Fucking me really hard to where I just explode!
He then explodes and his orgasmic bliss is shared with me.

Wow! I allowed you and I enjoyed it!

Intimacy/Partnership!

The best way to use your vibrator

This is so intimate! How HOT!!!! is this? Both are receiving great pleasure from her pleasure.

Men don’t fear the vibrator! Let go of the mindset that you have to make her cum! You don’t! She allows herself to be free enough so that you both do it together.

One can’t happen without the other with a woman. When she feels safe she will allow herself to fully be free and will cum like running water. At least that is how it works for me.

Her pleasure is your pleasure, so sit back and enjoy the ride. How hot it is to watch her being pleasured, right???

Enjoy the ride, it is great for both of you!

UUmmmm!

I Feel the Heat From The Top Of My Head All The Way Down To My Feet

As I lay down, you look into my eyes, I feel your heat. You smile at me, and take my hand.
We intertwine our fingers, and you kiss my neck. I feel the heat from you lips all the way down to my feet.

There is no pain as something hot inside me begin to furl. My chest palpitates and my heart beats faster and faster.

You run your fingers down my skin and it is moist. My face is no longer smiling, instead, it is in intense pleasure from your touch

I don’t want to explode just yet from the feel as you stroke my face, neck, arms, breast, and work your way down to my wet spots deep inside.

The heat pulses and pour through  every orifices of my body, all I can do is inhale and exhale, as I am in ecstasy.

Who is in charge of this pulsing, throbbing and thrusting because at this very moment. It is not me! My body is taking charge of its pleasure.

All  can say is aaahhhhh! Bbbbaaaabbbbbyyyy! Don’t stop Superman.

I continually reach to grip tighter to whatever is in reach

My body shaking with intensity

Breathing quickly, eyes unable to focus, lips unable to mutter a coherent sentence.

My mind is partly cloudy, I can’t think, my brain is completely out of focus

Again I touch of my skin and it feels so moist, sticky but incredibly soft

Come close and taste, as I explode in ecstasy. What a delicious taste! What a beautiful scent.

Orgasmic Pleasure

It Is OK To Grieve Love

I  read this great article and I am sharing it with you all today. After life’s tragic events happen to us as women, we don’t have to show everyone how strong we are and not grieve. We show our strength by grieving to our friends.

Grieve! Go through the pain! Don’t miss out on the healing that goes along with that process.

It’s OK to cry! It’s OK to allow those that want to be there for you to be there for us. As we recover from a relationship that failed, feel the pain.

We exclaim that we hate that person, but in reality we love that person. It has been said that “It is a thin line between love and hate.” I choose to not hate, but I am unsure if that is the case with him because everything was always my fault and he could never accept responsibility for any fault of his with the demise of our relationship.

I am still choosing to come from the space of love. I will not forget the painful moments, but I am choosing to reflect on love and the greatness of the relationship. I was so afraid to love, and with this relationship I was not. Beautiful moments for me and those I cherish and carry forward.

So don’t fear love! Head towards LOVE fearlessly, but smarter.

There’s no shame in fear, what matters is how we face it!

Happy Loving!